Wednesday, April 18, 2018

How Can I Feel Better?

The short answer is: change the way you think because we feel what we think we should feel.


Explain, Melissa.

Well, when I was seeing a therapist, she told me, "Our experience is a combination of what is happening and what we think about what is happening."

Comprehending what this really meant was life-changing for me. 

She laid it out like this:

A + B = C

A = The Event or Situation
B = My Perception (a.k.a. what I think about the event)
C = My Experience (a.k.a. my feelings about the event)

Do you know what this means? It means we have the power to choose how we feel. It's like winning the emotional lottery!

So basically, my friends, if we want to change the way we feel, we change the way we think. We can't change other people or the event or situation (although I have some thoughts on that for another day).

If we think having to do our taxes is a hassle, we will most likely experience it as a hassle, with all the negative, stressful feelings we believe should be a part of a hassle.

And as long as we believe and think these things, we will have the kind of experience we think of as bad. We will get irritated, annoyed, and stressed-out at the mere thought of doing our taxes. I did this to myself often, especially when it involved the United States government. 

For example, dealing with getting health insurance these past 3 years has been a nightmare for me. The first year, I felt harassed by the notices from the government website and frightened by the automation making decisions for my children without any explanation or interaction with a human being. So the next year because I anticipated another nightmarish experience, I procrastinated. 

As is often the case, putting it off until the last minute only made things worse. Now I was facing no coverage for my kids for up to 3 months while government employees slowly ground through a laborious decision-making process...that I already knew the answer to. (I can feel my blood pressure rising as I type this).

In the end, I made an executive decision that paid off and all was well.

So, the third year...I decided I couldn't do this anymore. I needed help. I needed someone who knew what the hell was going on AND I needed to stop the emotional torture I was putting myself through.

What did I do? I asked for help AND I changed my belief about the situation. I decided that no matter what happened, everything would be okay. It would all work out. Maybe not right away, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. I took away the expectation that this health care thing should be handled fairly, timely, and efficiently.

I stopped believing that it would be a disaster if it didn't all work the way I THOUGHT it should.

This doesn't mean I approve of a mismanaged, flawed system. 

What it means is that the mismanaged, flawed system doesn't have any power over my emotional state anymore.

It doesn't mean it's okay to leave children uncovered with the promise of retroactively covering them, and potentially putting parents through the hell of hospital bills piling up while their child is in critical condition.

What it means is that I choose to believe that all will work out despite ineptitude and that other's behavior does not control my emotional state. Not the government, not my neighbor, not my friends', not my family's, my husband's, nor my children's.

No one gets to rent space in my head or walk through my mind with their dirty shoes.

Want to take back your power to choose how you feel, too? 

Then change the thoughts that are creating your reality. 

For a quick intro to this concept, listen to this podcast episode from The Life Coach School HERE-->Episode #2: How to Feel Better.

Want to dig deeper? Check out the audiobook Neurosculpting by Lisa Wimberger and her book Neurosculpting: A Whole-Brain Approach to Heal Trauma, Rewrite Limiting Beliefs, and Find Wholeness.

I wish and pray for you the relief and respite you seek, my friends.

Peace out.

*As always, for disclosure's sake, any links to Amazon on my website are affiliate links that give me a few pennies if you should buy anything when you click through.

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